yeyeah

I work at books-a-million now. That is golden.

...

going to class and I don't even expect coach to be there. I woke up late today with my eyelids in complete rebellion. Off with their heads.

today.

"And this just feels like spinning plates
I'm living in cloud cuckoo land"

sooo...

nobody who signs up to run goes running. Sad day. Two people didn't come today. Roommate facebooked me from Turkey. Good day. Much fun today. Then after running I wasn't feeling too swell, but I was extremely hungry so I grabbed Matt and we went to taco bell. On the ground we found a letter while we were there. It was a crazy story that we couldn't understand, but it was incredibly odd. We read it over and over again and then tried to read it with Ben. Someone finally explained what it meant and we had a "wow" moment. Then I got all of my pictures off of my camera. Now I am sitting and procrastinating sleep oddly enough. feeling tired all day but now I don't feel like I can sleep easily. Oh well.

School

School is difficult to focus on right now. My classes are pretty unrelated to life with kickball 101, theory (?!?!!?!) 498, controversial conversations about things I don't believe 313, and history of backwater virginia 460. The one class that is meaningful where I am tutoring for ESL has not had a single show-up yet. Only one person has signed up for any appointments in the future.
I feel like I am half conscious half the time that I am halfway doing my work which makes for a whole lot of free time, procrastination, and apathy. I am fighting for joy in Christ. He has been good to me, but school is just difficult under all of these circumstances. I am supposed to be doing homework and preparation right now, but look at me sitting here and writing a post about who knows what.
Faithfulness in little things. I need.

Spring Break 2008

I went skydiving with Sarah and her roommates and friend on Saturday. On Sunday I went to church, took a hike, and returned to Chattanooga. Monday was spent catching up with my pastors from home and spending time with my family. Today I am up at my mom's house reading and waiting for everyone to get home so that we can go eat some mongolian bbq. Tomorrow - church and East Brainerd friends. Thursday with the dad, aquarium maybe? friday or saturday going to the circus I hope. I get to see my baby niece on saturday as well. Good times. That is spring break. Much needed.
Skydiving was an amazing experience. I got to see all of the land at 12,000 feet and balance on a step outside of an airplane and do a barrel roll (got sick from it) and parachute to safety.
I think I will actually be ready and energized to go back to school, work hard, and head toward the summer now.

grace for the moment

Lately I have realized that I need to wake up each morning praying for grace for that day to make it through. Today I realized that I need to pray for grace for each action and each moment. I needed God to help me stand up from lying down on the ground after lunch and staring at the ceiling. I needed him to help me get ready. I needed him to help me stop dragging my feet on my way to work. God is good and I praise him for his glorious grace.
Today has been hard. There is no other way to put it. It was difficult to pay attention or even sit through my classes. I had to get up and leave once. I am tired, but I pray for energy. I am sad, but I pray for joy. I am drained, but I pray that I can pour out. God will hold me up against the flood. I love him and am thankful for that.
I am going to Memphis tonight and I am excited about that. It will be a good time away and I think it will be refreshing. I am dressed up, which is more frequent now but still quite infrequent. My shoes each have a blue spot of paint on them from guatemala almost four years ago. Some things never change.

A long absence

After a long absence I will continue to write. The past month and a half has been more hectic, more demanding, and more heart-changing than any time since I became a Christian. I praise God for the way that he has worked through sadness and disaster to bring glory to his name. He has been good to me, good to my church, and good to my campus. The Lord is faithful and good. All of his words are true. Scripture is powerful. The gospel can change hearts. Praise God.
This semester only has two more months and then I will face an undecided summer. Centrifuge and the nine dollars an hour for forty hours a week that I was looking at was cancelled. I feel free to do whatever I want and that is a good feeling. Money will not be as good anywhere else. Oh well.
Friends have been very good to me during this time and they deserve thanks. I need to write thank you letters. Someone paid for my van window which was blown out by the pressure of the tornado. I did not need it more than others but they wouldn't let me give it back to them and I was thankful for their kindness. Other friends have sent their encouragement throughout everything and I treasure those words.
I will have more to write I am sure. I have needed to write for a while and been too tired or too drained to do so. Soon. Now it is time to go to that old joke of a class Fitness for Health, where half the time we don't meet, and the other half we meet for five minutes. Maybe today we will play kickball! or dodgeball! or...highschool...

Deer meat, storms, and treadmills

I have shared meals with friends most days since I got back to school. I wish that we did not have a meal plan during the year. I would enjoy so many more lunches and dinners that we all pull together and eat.
I exercised for the first time in months today and got sick. I thought the exercise had made me sick, but when I got back and had some coffee I got well. This probably means that I need to drink more coffee?
Unrelated note number three: one of my friends is bringing a bunch of deer meat down to the commons while I work so we can cook some burgers.
God is gracious and working in my life. It has been a dark past couple of months, but I think the storm is moving on.

Another sunrise to enjoy

I wanted to be a lawyer. Then I wanted to be a politician. Then I wanted to be a writer. Then I wanted to be a professional chess player. Then I wanted to teach ESL. Then I wanted to work with minority languages. Then I wanted to teach ESL. Then I wanted to study second language acquisition.
A random set of life decisions that spans from fourth grade until now and marks changing influences in my life. Looking back, it goes to show that everything depends on what doors God opens and what doors he closes, what influences are strengthened, etc...
I have no set plans for the future and that is OK. I want to enjoy today and do what I can to improve things today. Plans will shape themselves out. Many of my friends are graduating and facing questions about what they will do. Some have it all figured out. If I get to next year and "have it all figured out" I hope that somebody slaps some reality into me and reminds me that all that I know can change in a moment and that is not necessarily a bad thing. All can stay the same, as well, and that is not bad either.

Hermit of the Mountains

Yesterday was a people's day. I saw many people, worked a good bit, and got to spend some time with my roommate before he heads off to Istanbul at the end of January. Today is a hermit's day. I do not want to leave the room and I want to read. I wish I had a sign that said, "Do not disturb" or maybe "Beware of Dog"

A New Year

Forward to 2008. Almost three years out of high school, one semester from my last year of college, and maybe a little better for it all. I am back at school for January term. I am taking no classes, but have devoted this whole month to becoming more acquainted with my bookshelf. I fell in love over the break. With a book. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry. It is the kind of book that you want to read again as soon as you have finished it, and with just over one hundred pages that is a possibility. I loaned it to my brother, but may check the library later to see if I can get my hands on another copy. I have it in french, but that is for next semester.
I also dove into some Kurt Vonnegut for the first time in years. Last book I read of his was God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian. That was a little disappointing after reading Mother Night. My brother suggested reading Breakfast of Champions, but they didn't have it at Mckays so I got Bluebeard instead. It was a good read, but not great. Now I'm kicking off into my Christmas presents like Stephen Pinker's Stuff of Thought and Marquéz's el Amor en los tiempos del cólera.
I saw Sweeney Todd last night and wasn't too impressed, although it had some great scenes. The singing was mediocre and it was one of the bloodier movies I have seen in a good while. I did enjoy how the different motives of the characters never seemed to mix until the end when all was revealed (a vague way to not give a show away).
That is probably a boring synopsis of life, but my lot for a month is to read, enjoy some good food (cooked by me!), and relax. I already love January term.