Can the words texture and taste be applied to life? I would not like to carry that metaphor any further than saying that I want life to be interesting. I have not decided whether it is my past experiences, some kind of pre-wiring, or current environmental factors which make me the way that I am right now, but of all my motivations and goals in life I ask the question, "But will I be interested, or interesting? Will life have a texture and taste to it that pushes me along?"
More than most influences, that is probably what motivates me to make many of the decisions that I make. I get bored easily. Middle school and high school were that way. I was absent up to thirty days a year sometimes because I disliked school because I was bored there. Nobody ever taught on anything that was interesting to me. It did not have texture and taste. That is the reason that I sometimes seem to be making decisions at random I suppose. My minor decisions in life seem grand to me because they are chances to try new textures and tastes. I stay awake at night thinking of what I will do the next day that I have never done before. I worry about common things because they seem boring and I never take time to learn about them.
I cannot say that this is the best way to make decisions, but I can say that it probably has something to do with most of my decisions. I long for normalcy and stability, but can never really enjoy it. My decisions work towards and against that longing, in a way that often seems arbitrary.
A little bit of introspection, not well thought out, but even so. I am making little decisions that will lead to big decisions about my future and all of this has a part to play I am sure. What we do now makes who we will be tomorrow right? Not that our personality is the sum of our habits, but they have some part to play. All that to say, I am very bored.
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